t break recap

21 days have come and gone! it really was not that bad and i feel like i lowkey got my shit a bit more together.

lets review!

this past 21 days i started and finished 3(!) books. here are their names and my thoughts on them:

1. parable of the sower by octavia e butler
1. this was PHENOMENAL and deserves all the praise
2. made me have apocalypse nightmares for a while which is why i tend to avoid these themes in books (even though they are more relevant than ever)
3. im so excited to re read this and talk about it more.
4. in the last quarter of the book there were a million new characters and i lost track of whos who lowk
5. 4/5 stars i dont think i got everything i was supposed to get out of this
2. colorless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage
1. :/
2. it was a fun okay read but i think my murakami fangirl phase is just coming to an end
3. just like how many times can i read a depressed awkward freak man listen to classical music and talk about boobs
4. i do love the way he writes and paints a picture im just a little tired of the material
5. 3/5 stars from me
3. Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar
1. READ THIS BOOK
2. i could not put this down like oh my god
3. so beautifully written i love the jumps between narratives and writing styles/formats
4. so raw and honest and emotional and did it all seemingly so effortless
5. im SOOOO excited for emma to read this so that we can talk about it and i can re read it
6. spoiler dont read (except that spoilers are in for 2025 so u should read this) the last chapter being a dream because the whole book had dreams scattered throughout... kinda a perfect way to end but i wish we got a little more of a satisfying wrappedupwithabow type of ending. but also life doesnt wrap up with bows, so why should Akbar.

this is kinda crazy because usually it takes me like 2 months to finish one book or almost finish before abandoning. i was like coherent before bed so i would use that time to read instead of scroll.

also in these past 21 days i probably saved like at least $60. i am pretty alright with spending money but a treat may be in order for me.

i have had CRAZY dreams these last few weeks. i have been abusing melatonin (not actually abusing but definitely using it most nights to sleep) and as a result am dreaming of birds and apocalyspes and high school and many... many other things. i think my sleep has been better though and i will probably try to smoke less to be able to actually be rested more.

my nicotnine use has increased and so has my drinking. neither to concerning levels, but if im not spending money on weed like yeah im going to buy a 6 pack of beer and have one a night after work. i dont see this becoming a problem. im not like getting drunk i think im just 21 years old now. vaping has increased because oral fixation mostly. a bit more worried about that one than drinking but hey maybe nic will be my next t break.

i am proud of how much time i spent reading and thinking and being social WITHOUT THE USE OF CANNABISSSS!!! i think my psychiatrist will be pleased with these results. anyways, gonna smoke tonight who wanna join.